Now for something totally different. Give the loons the flick for a while and have a look at life and associated matters..
I occasionally flick through my own list of blogs that I follow and one of the interesting ones is Dalrock. he visits areas of interest concerning the heart rather then sexual politics and deconstructionist mayhem..
The subject of one of his posts was "Gaming the misses" which was rather interesting as I know some of you guys out there are hitched or have a partner, so looking at this may be beneficial as no one wants anyone to be screwed in the divorce courts if it's just a matter of making her "feel" loved and appreciated..
You and I have both seen guys who bend over backwards to keep the little woman happy as it is what we have been told, coerced and trained to do. Amazingly enough, those precise actions may even create the exact situation that one is trying to avoid. Dalrock had that same problem and here is how he worked that out..
She felt unloved.
AN excerpt..
The first difficult period came fairly early in our marriage. My wife was still in school and I had slipped into a more beta frame. The combination of my increased betaness and her being surrounded by other men created some strain on our marriage. She fitness tested me with some regularity, and while I generally passed them I didn’t always come through with flying colors. During this period my wife actually figured out part of what was going on. She would lay into me for something trivial, and after a period of trying to placate her I would eventually find something else to do which was away from her. My thought process wasn’t to try to game her, but I figured why hang around the apartment for the weekend to get bitched out when I could be hunting or fishing instead? On the weekends where she wasn’t testing me we were very close and I would stick around. Then at some point she would test again and I’d be out the door with a gun or a fishing rod. She actually figured out the pattern at some point and came to me about it. She said she would get into a mood where she felt absolutely compelled to piss me off. Every cell in her body was telling her she would feel better if only she provoked a fight. Then she would do it, and I’d be out the door. Once the fight was started but especially once I had left she felt miserable. So she made a conscious effort not to give in to the urge; we fought less and as a result spent much more time together.
After that things improved a great deal, and by normal standards we had a very good marriage. However, for the first seven of the last ten years she was telling me she didn’t feel loved. This was maddening to me because no matter what I tried it didn’t help. I knew enough game intuitively to not go overboard on flowers, cards, etc, but when I surprised her with those it still didn’t help. She is a natural leader so I also tried letting her make more of the decisions; any time an opportunity came up I would make it a point to defer to her preference to show her that I loved her. This only made the problem worse, although I didn’t make the connection at the time. This wasn’t an acute problem, but it was a chronic one and I absolutely hated it when she brought it up because nothing I could do would make her happier. She knew I loved her, but she didn’t feel it the way she wanted to. It of course was equally frustrating for her as well because she kept telling me something was wrong and I wasn’t making it better.
About two years ago I stumbled onto Roissy’s site. I knew some game informally from having watched my natural PUA roommate in college but I had not learned any of the theory. What I had put into practice when I met my wife I had mostly lost in an effort to make my wife feel more loved. Roissy was extremely painful to read. I kept finding myself wanting to unknow what he had just explained, but I couldn’t stop myself from reading more. My curiosity was more intense than my desire to hold onto the pretty lies. After about four months of reading Roissy and the comments I had a rudimentary sense of how game worked and started experimenting on my wife with it (she didn’t even know I was reading about it). I stopped sending her the frequent “I love you!” texts* which I had been doing in an effort to make her feel more loved. Instead I started shooting for upped attraction. I’ve never experienced the sexual denial that I’ve read about other husbands experiencing, but I figured a little more attraction wouldn’t hurt anything anyway. I started objectifying my wife more, and treating her more like a possession. I love you was out, C’mere woman! and Hey sexy wife! was in. Instead of loving gentle hugs, I’d forcefully grab her and pull her into me; I would mischievously cop a feel from time to time as well.
It wasn’t just my actions and words which changed however, my frame changed as well. Had I tried these same things from my old more beta frame, they might have backfired spectacularly. I struggle to define it, but my frame was more of a playful cocky/funnyone. This was actually fairly natural for me, but I had made the mistake of listening to the conventional wisdom on how to please my wife. The results were as expected more attraction from my wife. As I mentioned this wasn’t ever a real problem before but I could tell a difference in her response to me. Then something very startling happened; she thanked me for finally making her feel more loved! I had given up on that goal for the time being, and yet along with more attraction I had also inadvertently filled that nagging void which she had been feeling for so many years.
This was a huge breakthrough for me, and as I’ve learned more about game I also am able to mix in more of the comfort/beta traits. I still tell my wife I love her, and I do surprise her with flowers from time to time, but I also gently tease her and make sure she knows she is my woman. We are both far happier now; game has truly done incredible things for our marriage.
*Yeah, I know. I hate to admit that I was that guy.
