I scrounged these from one of the forums I frequent. Hopefully one will make sense or motivate you..
"Be the kind of person you would like to know."
"The only easy day was yesterday."
"Watch where you're going, not where you've been."
"Always tell the truth; it's the easiest thing to remember."
"Live every day as if it were your last, for some day you are sure to be right."
"If you have to rely on luck, it means you have already screwed up"
"Don't complain. 80% of the people won't care and 20% will think you deserve it."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
"If nothing else kills you a cement truck will"
"Don't worry about your health, it will go away."
"Success is one part inspiration, nine parts desperation."
"Never regret. So far in human history no one has been able to change the past.
"Neither success nor obscurity are a measure of integrity"
"Don't take life so seriously...no one gets out alive"
"Live life as an exclamation, not an explanation"
"Do, or do not. There is no try."
"Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes."
"Don't count the days.....Make the days count"
"Everything in moderation, even moderation."
"The recipe for success is to expect more from yourself than anyone else could ever even ask of you."
"Sometimes, all you can do is listen and, all you can give is friendship."
"Assume people are idiots until proven otherwise"
"Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."
"It is better to be thought of as an idiot, then to speak and remove all doubt"
"Half of people are stupid all the time. The other half are stupid some of the time. Stay in the second half."
"If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people.
"If you're smart, surrounds yourself with smart people who disagree with you."
"You people who merely think you know everything make life incredibly difficult for those of us who actually do."
"Trust, but be wary of whom"
"Ignorance is no excuse for stupidity."
"There is an ongoing race between the universe and engineers. Engineers constantly trying to build idiot-proof devices and the Universe constantly building better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
"Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups."
"Work to live, don't live to work."
"Do it right, the first time, or don't even bother."
"The beatings will continue until morale improves"
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part""
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Measure twice, cut once."
"The harder you work, the luckier you get."
"Burn the evidence, even if you didn't do anything wrong."
"No matter how well you do it, somebody will hate it."
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
"Get through this crisis, and on to the next."
"Little problems only worry little minds."
"Your body is a filter for coffee"
"Demand the Best, Expect the Worst and you'll always be Happy."
"If it was easy, there'd be a whole different group of people here"
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."
"Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about."
"There is no "I" in team, but there is one in dickhead."
"If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid."
"There is nohting so simpel that it canot be done rong."
"The impossible costs a little more."
"When love cast me out, it was cruelty who took pity on me."
"No reliance can be placed on appearance."
"Whatever floats your boat and doesn't sink mine"
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. "
"Men only have two emotions; horny and hungry. If he doesn't have an erection, make him a sandwich."
"It's amazing what you can do when you don't have a soul to hinder you."
"Life is just one bitch after another...if you're lucky."
"If you keep lowering your expectations, you'll never be disappointed."
"We're not happy until you're not happy"
"My job is to comfort the disturbed; and to disturb the comfortable."
"Well behaved women rarely make history."
"Fat chicks and Mopeds, They're both fun to ride until your friend see's you on one"
"A parasite cannot live alone"
"You're only young once, but you can be immature your whole life."
"Treat a princess like a whore and a whore like a princess and you'll have it made."
"They can kill you, but they can't eat you. That's against the law."
"Question everything...believe nothing"
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment."
"Power is not defined by what you have but by what you do with it."
"No matter how good you think you are, there's always someone better."
"A smart person learns from his/her mistakes, a really smart person learns from other peoples mistakes."
"The sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then."
"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. "